The True Power of the Big 5: Lessons from Dacher Keltner

Many equate power with dominance, control, or the loudest voice in the room. But psychologist Dacher Keltner, in his transformative book The Power Paradox, argues something radically different: true power is gained not through force, but through connection.

And that’s where the “Big5” come in: enthusiasm, kindness, focus, calmness, and openness. These five traits are often overlooked in conversations about success or leadership, but according to Keltner’s research and the growing field of social psychology, they are central to cultivating meaningful, lasting power.

Enthusiasm: The Spark That Connects

Keltner emphasizes that power is given to us by others, and enthusiasm is one of the fastest ways to build that trust. When you’re genuinely excited - about ideas, collaboration, progress - you draw people in. Your energy becomes contagious. In The Power Paradox, Keltner writes that we gain power by enhancing the lives of others. Enthusiasm does just that; it uplifts, energizes, and helps others feel seen and included.

Practical tip: Share your passion. Express excitement when others succeed. Celebrate ideas with authentic joy.

At Retreats Tasmania we pride ourselves on following Keltner's "Big 5" in everything we do.

Kindness:  The Currency of Power

Perhaps the most revolutionary idea in Keltner’s book is that compassion leads to power. Acts of kindness build networks of trust and reciprocity. In his studies, leaders who practiced empathy and fairness – notably, not aggression - rose in influence and maintained it longer.

Kindness is not weakness. It's an active expression of your values, and it opens the door for cooperation and loyalty. People follow those who make them feel safe, respected, and valued.

Practical tip: Be generous with praise. Listen without needing to fix. Show up for people even when it's inconvenient for you.

Focus: The Quiet Power of Presence

In an age of distraction, focus is magnetic. It signals that you care, that you are invested, and that others matter. Keltner’s work suggests that power often resides in those who can direct attention skillfully - who listen deeply, prioritize wisely, and resist the constant tug of ego or impulse.

True focus isn’t about rigid control; it’s about being fully present. Focused leaders make others feel heard and understood, which is a profound source of power.

Practical tip: When speaking with someone, eliminate distractions. Ask thoughtful questions. Reflect back what you hear.

Calmness:  The Anchor in the Storm

Powerful people don’t react- they respond. Calmness allows you to create psychological safety. It brings clarity to chaos and makes others feel grounded. Keltner shows that emotional regulation is a key trait of effective leaders - not because they suppress emotion, but because they channel it constructively.

Calmness is the antidote to volatility. It builds credibility and gives others permission to settle into their own confidence.

Practical tip: Practice mindfulness or breathing exercises. When tensions rise, slow down rather than speed up.

Openness:  The Courage to Grow

In The Power Paradox, Keltner notes a danger: once we gain power, we often stop listening. We talk more, interrupt more, and lose the curiosity that earned us influence in the first place. Openness - remaining teachable, humble, and receptive - is essential to maintaining power over time.

True leaders ask questions they don’t already know the answer to. They invite feedback, admit mistakes, and see others as co-creators. This radical openness is what keeps them trusted and respected.

Practical tip: Replace judgment with curiosity. Ask for input regularly. Own your blind spots. Take accountability when necessary.

At Retreats Tasmania we encourage our Team to get involved, provide input, brainstorm with us and create solutions.

Conclusion: Power as a Collective Force

The Big 5 - enthusiasm, kindness, focus, calmness, and openness - aren’t just personal virtues. They’re relational strengths. They remind us that power isn’t about control over others, but connection with others.

As Keltner writes - ‘We gain power by improving the lives of others. We lose it when we prioritize our own needs and disregard others.’

In a world that often rewards noise, may we choose presence. In a culture that celebrates dominance, may we lead with compassion. The Big 5 are not just a better way to lead - they're a better way to live and can be applied in every context of life.

This is article is inspired by Jason, who is always reaffirming Keltner's "Big 5" into our culture here at Retreats Tasmania.

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